memoir of an average teenage girl

Accidents do happen..

2012-02-13T05:39:00.000-08:00

had too much fun, n the next thing u know.. BAMM!!! u hit a car, not to say that i am a bad driver (well, i ve been driving all the way to puncak alam- kat hujung dunia sana n yet nothing happen) but the accidents happened right near to cfs.. Allah je yg tau betapa takutnya hati nie.. dhlah langgar kereta org.. kalo langgar inanimate object x pe jgak.. had to pay around RM 380 for the damage.. n nasib baik org yg langgar tuh kereta dia x rosak sgt.. just a little scratch.. but my rental car was badly damage.. n now, the owner of the car has been trying to framed me by reporting the accidents to the police.. problem now is that if he really did report the accident to the police, my licence might have been hang.. n i need to re do my licence all over again.. grrrr.. isshh.. susah btulalah bile ada accident nie.. and nw.. im scared to death.. i cant take my mind of the incident.. if only i could turn back time and avoid the whole accident.. oh god, i wish.. n now, i can only wait n see what will happen next.. thank god, my parents were helping me alot.. thanks mama n ayah.. i really need some support.. tulah.. berani sgt pegi sewa kereta tuh sape suro? dhlah.. all i can do now is muhasabah diri.. hoping things like this will nver happened again... but, right now, i might stay away from being behind the wheels for a while.. this things has been my most traumatized incidents ever.. :'(

9gag-ing

2012-01-25T06:20:00.000-08:00

Found it on 9gag.. oh how true it is every single thing that was mentioned.. does this means i am an ugly person? damn lah... :(

tell me what to do..

2012-01-11T01:11:00.000-08:00

new semester classes started today.. and i think its has gone from good to worse.. worse as in dreadfully worse.. why u may ask? its because i found out my classmates are mostly guys.. and in physics class, i am the only female in the class.. its not that its a bad thing.. i mean come on.. who wouldnt want to be surrounded by guys.. but guess what? when u r in my place.. it is darn fucking scaryy... trust me.. u wouldnt want to be in the class.. i guess when i told ppl about this, they wouldnt care less because its not a big thing, but for me it is a HUMONGOUS thing.. i hate it.. imagine u would have to be with guys for 6 hours a week... and if its not in physics class, in other subject, there are only 3 girls in the class which is my friend, aimi and insyi.. so, now, i dont know whether or not i should change class.. cause if i did change class, then my schedule for all other subject would also change.. and i like my class, except for the fact that i am the only girl in physics class.. that's the only thing that i hate at the moment... so, what should i do? imagine me doing experiment and discussing stuff with guys.. and fyi, i am bad at communicating with guys, i cant even look at them in the eyes.. the only thing that would make me feel better is the fact that my lecturer is also a girl (thank god) but still.. it would be waayyyy too awkward.. and damn scary.. so what should do?

How I met your father- ep 1 university and friends

2011-12-25T05:50:00.001-08:00

Since i have been so obsessed over himym (its How I met your mother for those who didnt know) i have decided to blog for today himym style.. and i will maybe continue to feel like blogging himym style whenever i feel like doing it.. since my mind has been talking to myself himym style and i cant help but sometimes to wonder what does it feel like to tell stories to your children about how u met ur husband.. *scream* did i just said "husband"? god, why am i blushing? hihihi... and btw, who knows, maybe one day when my children grow up, they could just read my blog about how my life went on when i was 18.. woah... why am i thinking too far away? okay get back to the story..

Kids, on the early november of 2011 i was in my university years, in Centre for foundation studies, International Islamic University.. and my life was pretty great there.. i have good friends, good surroundings and etc.. (lets just say everything there was good) so, on the early of november i was starting my second semester (a.k.a short semester - 2 months only) which is not compulsory for everyone but then i got a last minute notice.. and blah blah blah.. (nothing interesting to talk about here) and in that semester my roomate was your aunt mira and aunt miredj.. kids, for you to know how i met your aunt mira n aunt mirej, we had to go flash back for a while..

On early march 2011, i was starting my first sem of foundation studies.. and i was so nervous by the thought of going to a place where i dont know many ppl there.. and so, i go on with daily routine and come to my first ever lecture session which was physic.. I was pretty early that day (of course u had to be early.. its the first class) and there sat 2 stranger in the front seat...

and so.. i introduced my self and got a bit talkative all of sudden since no one else was in the class yet.. the two strangers introduced themselves and mira and aqilah.. and that's how i met your aunt qiqi and aunt mira.. and i grown closer to them eversince.. around 10 min later, another 2 strangers arrived and sat behind me which was your aunt miredj and aunt insyi.. and my ex classmates from high school was also in the class which happens to be your aunt aimi.. and that's how i met all of your aunt by which they all turned out to be my best friend during my foundation studies.. and we've grown a lot closer together eversince...

so, back to the original stories, ur aunt miredj, aunt mira and i were roomies for two months.. that whole two months was the best semester of my life... we took chemistry subject together and we've been closer than ever together... we would usually go out anywhere together.. every night when we were bored, we would usually just dialled any strangers number just to over come our boredom, ur aunt mira was usually occupied with something else (whispering silently to her boyfriend for what seems like forever- cakap mcm nak bg semut dgr je.. x hanya in real life ur aunt mira was quite a loud person.. more like SUPER loud) your aunt miredj and i would usually do silly stuff to occupy the time and also, not to forget we did "study"too.. hehehe... we would usually went out together and eat maggi together.. there was a time when we ate maggi for dinner evrynight for one week... kids, that would explain why your mother here was plus sized when i was 18.. =_____=

okayy.. dh penatlah ckp himym style.. kena type bnyk extra word.. okay.. switching back to normal mode.. Last friday was the last day for short sem.. we had our exam in the morning and we when for sushi that evening with your aunt aimi and aunt miredj... last sushi time for sem 2.. haish.. so many memories to cherish this short sem.. i wuld miss your aunt mira and aunt miredj as my roomies forever..

so, in this post here would be my last note dedicated for miredj and mira.. for being my roomies for two months.. for being very patient with my attitude which i know, sometimes can be very annoying.. since next sem we wont be in the same clss anymore (its not like we wont see each other anymore, tapi saje je nak buat drama perpisahan) hahaha..

Mira- wehh.. ak tau ak bnyak kacau ko n slalu ckp benda annoying n slalu buat lawak x jadi.. hahaha.. tapi tu sume hanye gurauan je.. ak tau kdg2 ak boleh jd sgt annoying n over..tapi thanks lah sbb jd roomate yg cool.. lepas nih dh x satu kelas n satu bilik dh.. x dpt ak nak kacau ko time study n time ko gayut dgn budak mucux tuh.. hahaha.. so thanks again for everything.. ak dh mula rindu korang sgt2.. p/s: pipi ko mmg mcm bulldog skit n ko akn sentiasa jd mira kepam forever... hihihi..

miredj- hahaha... ok yg nie mesti pnjg.. tatau mana nak start dh.. first of.. ak mmg sgt rapat dgn ko since sem 1 lg.. ko mmg cool lah.. kite kn slalu pegi kelas sama2 since sem 1 n smpai kredit pon boleh habis smpai 5 ringgit satu hari (okayy... itu dh over) semata2 nk call utk pegi kelas.. ak tau kdg2 kite x sependapat and maybe kdg2 ko ada terasa dgn ak ke.. ak pon ada terasa dgn ko... tapi ak dh x kisah dh pon... n ak harap ko maafkan ak kalo ak ada tersinggung perasaan ko ke ape.. tapi serius ak xde niat pon nak buat ko terasa.. maybe ada perangai ak yg mungkin boleh buat org bebulu dgn ak ke.. ak pon tataulah.. tapi sorrylah weii... kite 0-0 k? tu jelah yg ak nak ckp.. rindu duduk sebilik dgn ko n mira kepam... (x hanye baru 2 hari je pon) so.. all the best utk ko kat kelas baru nnti.. jgn lupa kalo ada ehem2 bgtau ak dulu.. ataupon kalo ada hotstuff kat klas ko ke.. bglah ak nombor.. hahaha.. kthxbai :D muahh muahh.. hee~

thats it for this SUPER ULTRA MEGA TERA GIGA long post.. yg agak bosan sbb x de gmbr.. haha.. maybe i should look for some picture before i finished this post?

Tadaaaa!!!

missing the moment <3

How I met your father- ep 1 university and friends

2011-12-25T05:50:00.000-08:00

thats it for this SUPER ULTRA MEGA TERA GIGA long post.. yg agak bosan sbb x de gmbr.. haha.. maybe i should look for some picture before i finished this post?

Tadaaaa!!!

missing the moment <3

F.A.T

2011-12-23T09:22:00.000-08:00

Yeah, u read the title right.. its fat.. which is the short form for FUCKIN' (FREAKIN') AWESOME TEEN.. well... since i'm over 18.. i should change it to teen adult..teens are too gooey-ooey to me.. haha.. (baru sebulan turn 18 dh berlagak adults dah.. blah lah weii) well yeah.. whatever..

ok so here's my story: if u have ever been friends with me.. u would realize that there was a word that i would mostly avoid talking about and said in front of people.. and the word is fat.. well, yes.. i admit i am fat.. and every teenagers.. (oopss sorry, force of habit) correction, teen adults.. are always and constantly worried about their figure.. always saying that they are too fat when their appearance clearly says that they are having insufficient fat instead of having too much.. so, the reason why i'm always avoiding saying the word is because i was too embarrassed by the fact that i am larger than most of my friends my age.. with the height of 175 cm and weight, (im not tellling you my weight, lets just say it is heavy..) is not normal okay? being fat is effecting my self-esteem.. so, in the end i avoid using the word.. i would describe myself as plus sized or badan besar.. even my mom used to say that i'm fat and it bothers me so much.. it would not help either when my friends are all obsessing on being thin, whereas i was bulldozing every food served in front of me when i feel like eating.. truth is.. being fat is not a crime.. you wont get punish if u add on a few kilos just so that you could indulge in whatever you are craving in.. (unless u have a disease that would forbid you from eating too much cause if you add on just a kilo you would die.. is there such thing as that?)

I know the surrounding has influenced the teen adults way too much (hell yeah, i just said it right) with the ad n the commercial having supermodel size NEGATIVE 10 isnt helping either.. but remember kids! they are airbrushed.. i just make myself sound like ted mosby in 2030 (u'll understand what im saying if u watch himym) so what if they have long skinny to-die-for legs? so what if they have skeleton-like skinny body that could fit into your mini fridge?.. so what? well.. their body would not last until they are 50.. and so are everybody else.. outer beauty would never last forever.. it will fade eventually no matter how god-like pretty u are..

my point here is that.. i dont want fat people to be judge by anyone.. i mean come on.. isnt being curvy the new trend now? (i think) we are humans just like everybody else.. i am not trying to promote everyone to get fat here and its not like being too fat is good for your health (note to self here) but i want to promote people to be healthy (damn, i sound like the commercials on tv) and be happy the way they are.. stop trying to be so envy with what the world is trying to hypnotize you with.. imagine what would happen if the media doesnt exist, i think the world would be a happier place.. dont you think? so kids, listen.. being fat is not a crime.. why would being a Fuckin' Awesome Teen-adults be a crime?

Adele's manager told her to loose weight. She said "I sing for the ears not for the eyes" I wish all girls could have self esteem like that.

#Myinspiration

THE ONE

2011-12-17T23:21:00.000-08:00

Here's what i have been depressing about this past month. L.O.V.E.. yup, u read it right.. i've been depressing about love. and to hell with the word.. i'm sick of love.. and i'm tired of looking for THE ONE.. and lately i've been marathoning How I met Your Mother and i've come to a perfect solution after watching it for the last 5 season.. which is: mylife completely resemble TED MOSBY. yup. you read it right..*again.. btw, yeah.. ted was searching for THE ONE and keep on failing at doing it.. same with me.. but still he finally found THE one since if he didn't find THE ONE, he would not be telling he's kid how i met your mother and the series would have not started. and wont be the one who watch the movie.. still, back to where i was saying, its not like i dont believe that jodoh di tangan tuhan.. but we still need to find THE ONE right? i've heard many people told me that eventhough jodoh to di tangan tuhan.. tapi kalo kite x de usaha nak mencari... kite xkan dpt jumpa dgn jodoh kite.. betul kan? so yeah.. i am still searching for THE ONE.. i know i might be too young to search for THE ONE but it was still a part of the effort right.. if i dont start now, then when?

Awe-some drama (highly recommended)

okayy.. back to what i've been depressing about.. thing is, i have never been in love.. i know it sounds weird.. its not like being in love is a big deal. but for me it is.. it saddens me when i realize that almost everyone has been in love but not me.. there was a study where 90 percent of ppl in this world have been in a relationship and only 10 percent have not.. well, technically i just made that study up based on my friends.. haha.. but still, i am in that 10 percent.. and 10 percent is a very small quota.. i mean its not like i have NEVER AT ALL been in love... i've been in tonnes.. but none of them ever return my love.. well, if im not mistaken, it was called a CRUSH!! haha.. in your face Alya.. well yeah, everyone has a crush.. gahhh!! see where im going?

oh ted, i understand how u feel.. stay strong bro!

here's the thing, everytime i was in love with someone, that person always ends up being in love with my friend a.k.a my best friend.. and i will always ends up being the loser one and ends up doing pokerface in front of my friend, saying that im fine with them being in a relationship eventhough inside, im crying and mad and feel like a total loser for losing in a battle of love with my friend.. okay, those of you who are reading this can seriously say 'in your damn ugly face Alya".. or just pitied me instead (please pitied me instead) hahaha... well.. yeah.. that's where i resembles ted. except for the part where ted has been in tonnes of relationship and i've been in NONE.. the truth is we, "the loser" are searching for true love but the the other's who are not looking for true love can easily find theirs.. so, does this mean i have to stop looking for THE ONE n eventually THE ONE will come by? maybe that's the answer.. but i cant stop because i am always hopelessly in love.. and maybe because i am an ugly person.. im just too fat, too tall and i am always the odd one.. i guess that may be the reason why i was never in a relationship.. so, today, i have decided that it is time for me to stop looking for THE ONE.. because i dont deserve one.. and i should also stop hoping that my prince charming will come and save me from my miserable life riding white horses and comes with shining armour to protect me from "the monster" and we ends up getting married and live happily ever after.. (okayy.. im a big believer in fairy tales).. but yeah.. i should stop daydreaming and get on with my life.. maybe if i'm lucky enough THE ONE would stop by.. and if i'm not lucky.. well, i would still get on with my life.

oh dear prince charming, when will u ever appear?

Mood swings

2011-12-02T08:50:00.000-08:00

life sucks.. go figure..

2011-11-23T07:49:00.000-08:00

it would be a lie if someone said that turning 18 is not a big thing.. the hell i

and yess world.. i am now 18.. so what can u actually do when u turn 18? hmm... lets see.. most of the things taht u can do when u turn 18 would be considered as forbidden thng.. grrr.. what the hell im talking about here.. okayy.. so basically im crapping now.. i just finished my mid sem exam for sem to.i've got nothing intersting to do and so i was thinking of writing in this outdated blog.. and now i've got nothing to write.. till the next post comes up then.. byebye :D

confessing the truth

2011-11-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

In 3 more days i'll turn 18.

I would have never thought that one day i'll be waiting for this day to happen.. its not like turning 18 is a big deal.. but its just that 18 is a big number. and i dont think i'm ready to grow up even more yet.. why? i cant find myself the reason for me to say this but honestly speaking i sometimes wish i could be a small kid again.. a kid who doesnt give a fuck about how miserable life can be, a kid who doesnt care about what other ppl say and just living the life to its fullest.. damn.. i keep on wishing for the unwished.. hoping that someday someone would grant my wish for me.. hahaha.. keep on laughing alya coz it aint gonna happen.. EVER!

moving on..

i know im not perfect and ive been trying my best to accept that fact.. but somehow nowadays i kept on finding my own flaws.. i kept on feeling like this body of mine is like a broken glass.. i dont feel good about it.. i dont feel comfortable in my own skin.. no one might have realize that but inside of me, i feel like screaming to the world telling ppl that i feel suckish about my own self.. talk about lack of confidence =.= haishh.. maybe because of the fact that my heart has been broken several times because of love has contribute to this issue of mine. truth is, if i told anyone about my love life, they would instantly feel sorry for me.. if the world would be sorry to hear about my love life, what would i think of my own love life from my perspective?? yess.. i feel like shit.. i feel like im the only one in this world who doesnt deserve to be in love and be loved by someone.. i know i might sound desperate but its the truth.. i have never been in love with someone.. whenever i have this feeling that a guy would be the love of my life... the guy will end up falling for one of my friends.. yess.. that's how shitty i feel about my love life..

i dunno the reason for me to keep blabbering about my life in this blog after it has not been updated for so long.. but somehow today i feel like i have to write what i feel about my self somewhere.. and the only place i could think of is my blog.. and if u r annoyed of reading my blog bcoz i keep on complaining about my life then dont read this blog.. coz this blog is where i write what i feel at a certain time..

wishing for the unwished...

2011-09-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

I wish... To have flawless skin
I wish... To have the perfect figure
I wish... To have the smartest brain
I wish... To have tonnes of money
I wish... To have someone who loves me
I wish... To have the best thing life could offer
I wish... To be perfect

But, truth is, i will never be.. and I will never get what i wished for... and it hurts like hell to know that..

GO TO HELL!!
F**K OFF!!!

anger management

2011-09-14T03:57:00.000-07:00

I cried today... why? because i just make the most stupid decision i've ever did.. n now, im feeling the regret-ness.. U know bout the Vice president post that iv sign up for and have been cursing bout it like hell? yeah, i just resign from the post.. i thought resigning from the post would make me feel better but somehow i felt like i just let go of something that is so important in my life.. well congrats Alya, u just make some stupid decision... Shit, my life just gets suckier everyday.. i just lost someone whom i thought culd be the love of my life, Failing in my studies, and now, this thing happen.. WTF?? seriously, WTF????? God, i thought my life would turn out better in college life but.. guess again, i was BLOODY HELL SHIT WRONG!!!! Gahhhh!!!! GO TO HELL!!!!

depressed and failing

2011-08-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

i never knew living in college would be hard.. i guess reality just bit me.. i failed in two of my core subject for mid term exam.. which is Physic n maths.. which is, of course the most fundamental subject for engineering.. im considering changing course.. perhaps its the best for me... what should i do? even if i cried my lungs out.. i can never change the result.. what should i do? how can i be an engineer if i cant even pass the fundamental knowledge of being an engineer and failing in MID TERM exam.. its MID TERM for one thing.. MID TERM.. the start of the first exam for the first Semester.. Im doomed!! byebye virtual world.. im leaving my blog stranded.. im gonna deactivate my facebook.. hide my broadband... anyone wants to contact me can only contact me through phone.. that's it.. the END.. im leaving for good.. sayonara.. im gonna make a big change to myself today.. manage my time well.. spend more time in studying... and considering changing course maybe? hahaha.. i dont know.. what i knw is that today would be the start of a new day to me.. im gonna change my attitude.. so again.. im saying goodbye world!! this is a new me....

A loser in love...

2011-08-03T22:14:00.000-07:00

yess.... u heard it right... im a big loser when it comes to love.. never in my life i have attracted anyone.. its not like im desperate or anything.. its just that i would like to know how does it feels like to share ur thoughts and feeling with ur other half.. okayy.. hahaha... if ur reading this u must be wondering why i chose to talk about this topic in my post after i have not update this blog for quite some times.. yess... i have a huge crush at someone in my class.. unfortunately, i felt invisible around him.. maybe the fact that i am not as pretty as other people might be a factor.. he would never realise me.. gahhh... i am such a loser.. u know what, moving on... im not gonna talk about this topic again..

I have been really busy lately. lots of meeting to attend, lots of activities to run and manage.. being a leader is tough.. u have to be a role model and every single things u did was watched by others.. im not a good leader i suppose.. i can never show people good examples.. i prefer doing things against the norm.. that's just who i am.. but being the VP II of ENGENIUS (did i mention this before) i was restricted from being who i am.. lets just say im a hipocrite (note my spelling) when it comes to attending Engenius meeting.. i became someone i dont even realise anymore.. sue me for rajin sgt sbb pergi isi borang mainboard for engenius.. seriously, i regret my decision for taking the bloody form.. wish i could turn back time..

that's it for now... i have a class to attend in 30 minutes... sayonara... :D

Passion vs life's journey...

2011-06-21T04:38:00.000-07:00

The thing about my life is that i never get to decide what i really want to do.. mostly, what i did was just go with the flow... let my life decides for me.. the truth is.. i never object myself from doing it.. I know im talking metaphore here n perhaps no one understands what im trying to say.. So let me conclude this in the most easiest way possible: I'm beginning to doubt my decision in choosing engineer as my future career.. Yes, u heard it right.. I dunno wats wrong with me.. but the truth is im tired of doing things that i have no passion in.. I love arts.. I love drawing.. I love doodling around.. I hate maths.. I hate science.. I hate things that would make my brain turned upside down... but the funny thing is dat i end up doing things i hate instead of things i love.. should i continue with what im doing or should i follow my dream.. I actually found out all of this after i have lectured Faa for her to decide on her career.. n now.. surprise.. surprise.. look at what my own words had done to me.. Im actually thinking of changing course to architecture since architect was the thing i am most passionate about.. but again, perhaps im giving up to early.. I promised myself when i took engineering, i will try my best to excel in it and accept it with open heart..

So, in the end i am battling with my own self.. should i follow my passion or let life takes on its own road?

Growing up..

2011-05-18T00:22:00.001-07:00

I have turned into a whole different person eversince i graduated from high school.. reading my past post made me realize that i am very different from who i am 2 years ago.. Its a strange thing to read how your mind works when u were 16.. and now that i am almost 18, my mind works differently.. i am more mature thant i am 2 years ago.. I no longer afraid to be who i wanted to e.. no longer afraid of facing the future.. if anyone ask me what i've learn from living in a boarding school, id say that i've learn to be a strong erson.. inside and out.. I dont cry as usual as i always do before and im just being happy all the time (almost)..

Seeing the fact that i will be facing a whole new world in 2 more weeks, whch is the college world.. I would like to recap about how my life have been in the past 18 years..

I've lived in this world for 18 years... In this 18 years i've been throgh thick and thin, through sadness and happyness, through anger and hatred, through loving and caring.. I've seen so many things in this short life of mine.. touched by so many things in life.. I was raised in a world of comfort.. there was never a single minute in my life that was spend dreaded living out of comfort... my parents provide me the best thing that they could give... seeing me grow up touches their heart and mine too.. they have always been there for me.. and now its time for me to pay back all of their work.. lately, my parents have been saying things like how i used to be so small and now that i have grown up to be a young lady.. they have been memorising my childhood years.. I know that they are sad for seeing me grow up.. sad thinking of the thought that their eldest daughter are leaving for college... I cant believe myself that i am growing up.. seeing my old childhood photos was nostalgic.. it brings the tears to my eyes.. how childish my face was before and how much i've change in 18 years.. how i wish i can turn back time.. reliving the old memories.. how i wished i could be that small girl again.. and i know.. growing up wasn't easy.. I should tell my kids someday that they should cherished every single moment in their life for life is too short and in the blink of an eye u are growing up to become a young women as i was.. 18 was a big number.. it gets bigger every year..

speechless...

2011-05-17T04:32:00.000-07:00

HELLO UIAM,

in two more weeks i will officially be a student of UIAM.. I've been doing a lot of research to make sure that im not making the wrong decision coz trust me i've been making tonnes of wrong decision before... i have to make sure that this tie i wont regret whatever it is the choices that i make..

went to redang Island a few days ago.. it was fun to see d island for the second time.. went for snorkeling for quite several times i'd say.. (god knows how tired i am), one thing for sure on my way to d jetty, my family and i went for a quick stop at KOLEJ MATRIKULASI PAHANG, GAMBANG... yup.. the place where i'm suppose to go if i did not choose UIA... the place was BIG.. n let me remind you how big is big... SUPER MASSIVE BIG... its a new place n the place is beautiful.. surrounded by jungle.. the only thing u can hear is the sound of crickets and frogs making noise.. its pretty quite there... dwonder where everyone is.. ?? hmm... deep down inside me there was dis tiny little voice saying that i should have chosen that place.. that i am making the wrong choices again.. but i have to stay firm with my decision... i'm almost trying to cancel the frakin UIA n go on with KMPh.. but god is great.. UIA is a place for me.. a place where i can find my education n feed my spiritual needs.. after all.. a dose of spiritual motivation is good for me... of course there was a pinch of regret somewhere but after visiting that place.. i know that i am making a wise choices.. i the end in this post, i've decidie to list down my pros and cons of UIAM and KMPh.. eventhough i know that i am still going to UIAM in two weeks time.. just for some piece of my mind...

UIAM pros:

Dekat dgn rumah (kat PJ je pon)

Ada geng.. (not so much of a point here)

Blaja arab (a new language for me to put on my resume.. ape salahnye pon blaja something baru n tambah ilmu, bahasa al-quran lagi tuh..)

outing every week.. (including slase kalo x silap sbb ada PASR MALAM dkat situ.. YEAY!!)

Makan best (nie org cakap)

Facilities okay (niei pon org cakap)

Dpt sambung degree Engineering major in Biotech which is something that i like..

blaja bnyak tentang islam (good for spiritual)

tempat lawalah jgak (x delah seburuk sekolah lamaku..hihi)

UIAM cons:

kena pakai baju kurung/ jubah setiap mase (baik pergi matriks.. sama je)

Blaja arab (tambah beban kepala otak.. tp ada pros dia jgak)

x dpt pegi overseas ( yg nie mmg sedih tp x leh nak buat ape dh)

KMPh pros:

dapat suasana blaja (tempat mmg sunyi)

tempat lawa

Asrama lawa (dr luarlah)

KMPh cons:

Competition nak blaja susah

kalo x lulus akan ditempatkan dimana2 universiti dgn ape2 saje course yg ada

jauh dr rumah (gambang tuh, dahlah kat pendalaman )

Kena duduk mcm kat asrama (cukuplah dua tahun yg lepas hidup terseksa)

outing mengikut cuti yg ditetapkan

peraturan still mcm kat skolah

kena pkai baju kurung hari2...

so far, this is the only thing that i can cameout with.. after reading tonnes of ppls blog about their experience... i hope UIAM reached my expectation.. sayonara for now.. talk about it again later..

Thank you ALLAH..

2011-05-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

Thank u Allah for giving me this lifetime opputunity that not many people can have.. i am truly blessed by everythng that u gave me.. eventhough at times i fail to follow ur orders but u still gave me chances to have things that are rarely given to the others..

why did i say all this things u may ask? it was because recently i have been given an oppurtunity of a lifetime... i got matriks at Pahang and asasi kejuruteraan dan sains komputer at UIAM.. why did i said i was lucky? because setelah membuat bnyak research mengenai hal2 universiti nie.. i found out one interesting facts..

Pelajar lepasan programme Matrikulasi berpeluang melanjutkan pelajaran ke SEMUA IPTA KECUALI UIAM dan UPNM

Bukankah ini petunjuk yg lagi jelas dan nyata?.. maknenye.. ak berpeluang untuk ke UIA walah org lain yg tidak ditawarkan program ke UIA x kan dapat melanjutkan pelajaran langsung ke UIA.. mungkin ini satu petunjuk betapa besarnya kuasa Allah., i felt truly blessed when i found out bout this.. God is great.. He knows wht's best for his servant...

Apapon, berbalik kepada masalah universiti nie.. ak mmg bnyak memikirkan tentang hal nie.. macm macm ak fikir sampai stress x tentu pasal.. Dapat tawaran MMU- foundation in engineering, UNITEN- foundation in electronics and electrical engineering, MATRIKULASI- aliran sains, UIAM- asasi kejuruteraan dan sains komputer..This is a big decision to make.. a decision that will change my life forever.. I would prefer to study overseas but my only way to get that is by going to matriks.. MMU dgn UNITEN plak kena bayar sendiri.. mmg out of the list lah.. pastu considering my matriks placement is far away and the competition there is pretty tough, i have finally make up my mind.. I chose UIAM .. although way deep inside me.. i still have some doubts about my decision but i should say that this should be a wiser choice for me.. about studying in overseas? i guess ill just have to wait for Masters to go there.. which is in my case would be another 5 more years.. sape x nak pegi overseas? sume org nak but i guess rezeki yg ada nie pon dh cukup.. dah dapat peluang nie pon dah bersyukur.. I have continued my research and i chose UIA because they offer degree programme that i have been longing to find.. which is Bachelor in ENGINEERING majoring in BIOTECHNOLOGY.. two things that i really hope to get a chance to further study in.. anyways, thank god for giving me this oppurtunity.. i wouldnt miss it for the world.. apapon.. in the next 2 weeks or so i will be one of the UIA student.. siap blajar arab lagi.. haha.. jgn main2.. hihi.. so, UIAM, here i come!!

Abrupt, mechanically..

2011-04-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

Yello!! In only a few days, anything can happen.. first of, my L license went missing in genting.. I was devastated.. I could barely sleep at night thinking about how clumsy i am.. Scared like hell when i found out that Lesen L nie sbenarnye kalo hilang kira kes serious jugak.. mmg x disangka.. sampai kena report polis, pegi JPJ n mcm2 lg.. but considering how lucky i am, I was relieved when i found out that my dad's friend can help me get my license back.. phewww!! Bile lesen dah siap the next day which was today..happens to be my JPJ test day.. Lglah takut.. baru hilang lesen dah kena pegi test.. Nasib baik.. LULUS!! Weee... :D seronok gler.. dalam keseronokan depan metro tuh plak, IC jatuh masuk longkang.. Haishh.. mmg malang betul nasib.. Nasib baik instructor tuh tolong amikkan.. dahlah dalam longkang tuhh ada air busuk, kotor and berminyak.. eeeewwww!! (teringat kat naz and faez buat) hehe.. I think I have jello hands.. :{ Or maybe im just unlucky.. hmmm... Apapon.. I still miss my officemates.. rindu nak mati kot.. dah mati baru x rindu.. hehe.. Since everyone miss each other like hell, sampai dapan laptop pon menanges, bace blog pon menanges, comment kat FB pon menanges, Comment kat FB pon buat emoticon menanges, Buat video menanges, Tengok video menanges, dgr lagu pon menanges, tgk barang pon menanges... kira semua benda related dgn office mesti menangeslah.. soo.. I really do think we should meet up with each other again.. untuk hilangkan Officesick tuh skit.. haha..

FAA, LYANA, PUT, FAEZ, NAZ, DARUL N FAZRIN (maybe)..

jom kluar!! main boling ke.. kareoke ke.. ape2 lah asalkan lepak bersama.. Jom!!

The ending of a great beginning and to start a much better beginning than before..

2011-04-04T21:50:00.000-07:00

Finally back from ABPBH yesterday at genting after stayed there for 4 days and 3 nites... Pergi sana memang seronok... my office mates and i bought 2 days ticket for outdoor theme park.. main roller coaster and games lain sambil jerit x igt dunia..waktu malam pulak, the boys ajar the girls main black jack.. which is something i've never played before but it was fun like hell.. i got addicted to the game :D tiap2 malam kteorg tido smpai kul 3 pagi main game tuh.. apa pun, setiap benda yang seronok mesti ada yang sedih... sebelum balik semalam, kiteorg sume jumpa, salam and hug each other for the last time.. its not that we would never see each other again... but it would be the last time we hang out with each other as officemates... I cried like hell kat depan lobby tuh and semua org tgk.. malu gler.. tp AAK?? haha.. rindu korang.. and since today was suppose to be my working day i end up at home jadi bibik kat rumah balik.. in other words, i end up jobless... kalo dulu, pegi ofis, our routine mesti macam nie: kul 11.30 pagi camtuh... Faez: laparlah.. guys, nak makan mana ari nie?? The others: *senyap* Faez: wehh laparlah.. capatlah.. nak makan mana ari nie?? the others: suka hatilah.. man2 pon bleh.. Faez: Leeya's?? Lyana: eewww.. x nak lah.. bnyak lipas.. HAHAHA!! Kul 5.30 ptg camtuh.. Alya: sape OT ari nie?? Kul 6.30 ptg camtuh... Mak cik kantin: minum ape dik? Alya: Horlicks Ice.. Lyana: Horlicks Ice.. Faa: Horlicks Ice.. Put: Horlicks Ice.. Zerra: Horlicks Ice.. Mak cik kantin: Ini geng Horlicks Ice ini.. HAHAHAHA!!! Kul 8.00 camtuh... Budak laki sume x habis2 nak kenakan budak pompuan.. mcm2 prank dah kena.. sampai ada yg menangis bile tutup lampu*.. lyana jgn terasa :P HAHAHA!!!! macam tu lah rutin harian kteorg.. waktu paling menyaitkan hati bile nak discuss nak makan mana.. semua x de idea.. but the sad thing was.. from now on, my weekdays would never be the same again.. I would usually looking forward to meet them all at the office but now.. whats left was only memories.. now i dont have an office to go to and a group of officemates to look forward to meet at the office... bile tnggalkan diaorg smalam.. all the memories that we use to have, all the laughter and tears we used to share flashed back in front of me.. It feels like i had to leave my family.. which as the matter of fact they are somehow have been my second family.. we are so close to each other and it feels tough to let them go.. whatever it is, I was hoping to meet u guys again soon.. dont ever forget me... segala kenangan kite bersama x kan ku lupakan.. No heart feelings ok guys??.. segala senda gurau hanyalah untuk ditawakan... sorry for the wrong things that i did.. remember guys.. this is not the ending of our friendship but the ending to start a great beginning of a great friendship..

FARZANA, ZULYANA, PUTERI MAZ SAFURA, NAZRIN, FAEZ, DARUL

we will meet again soon... miss u guys like hell <3

L.O.V.E

2011-03-28T07:40:00.000-07:00

Love hurts like hell.. I need something to cure my wounded heart..

Suggestion: a big tub of Ice cream.. yum..yum..

Absolute Silence..

2011-03-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

Going through a hearbreak is tough especially when there is no one u could talk to..

Next time just shut your bloody mouth.. at least u wont get into this mess...

SHUT UP!!

Perfect Agenda..

2011-03-24T19:27:00.000-07:00

Long due.. I know that in my past post i promised myself that i will update this blog very often.. but.. I was too busy with my part time job and i have no time to update this blog.. so.. whatever it is this is what happen during the last few months since my last post in this blog:

> Found myself a part time job at my mom's office. my job is to key in the votes for Anugerah Bintang Popular.. The job has been good so far.. met some new friends whom are incredibly good to me.. Credits to: Farzana, Zulyana, Puteri, Zera, Faez, Khairil, Darul, Naz and the others.. I love u guys.. The job will end this thursday and it was a bummer to left them..anyways.. i will be going to the Anugerah with them and i was really looking forward to the event.. Yeay! to my first trip with friends at GENTING!! the bad thing was that I still have to do some shopping for the event and I hate shopping :(

> When to SKS6KD reunion. met some old friends. Its amazing to see how much everyone has changed a lot since i last saw them.. the reunion was fun except for the part where i dont know what to say to them and i was shutting my mouth almost all the time.. feels like the old time..bummer..

> When out with Dina, Ged, Nunu, Huda, Sab, Rena and Fatin.. did i miss anyone?? I forgot.. but anyways It was a fun day out.. when to see movies, ate at Carl's Jr.. Can their burger get any tastier? <3 So that was what we did..

> and the latest news of all my SPM result was out.. it was 2 days ago.. a day i will never forget in my whole entire life.. my result was not what i expect.. and i end up crying my eyeballs out.. Aku bersyukur sbb dapat result tuh tp rase terkilan tuh masih ada.. Looking at my friends result, I was dissappointed with myself but what i get is what i deserve from my hardwork.. Still bersyukur but sad.... To all those people who kept asking me about my result.. This is what i get:

BM A+
BI A
MATHS A
SEJARAH A
P. ISLAM A
BIO B+
PHYSICS B
ADD MATHS C+
CHEMISTRY C+

Total: 1 A+ 4 A 1B+ 1B 2 C+

my result isn't the best in the world (and it will never be) but im still thankful for all that i have.. I still hope that I could go overseas with my result.. When there's a will, There's a way.. and im willing to take every chace i have to meke my dreams become a reality... Kudos to my parents for their support and friends, u guys are the best..

well, that's it for now.. I hope i could still steal some time to update this blog..

A love story

2010-12-23T09:00:00.000-08:00

This is a story about a girl who met her dream guy (a cliche story)

She met her dream guy at the early age of 7 years old. At first, it was only a 'monkey love' as what other people would say. It turns out it was love at first side. The girl was young. she never knew what love is. she had this huge crush over that guy. but somehow the guy moves away from the school and she didnt know where he went.

She was not the most popular girl in school neither did she was the smartest girl in school. let's just say she was a normal and average girl in school but she had her own clique. The clique consist of 8 ppl. one of them was the head girl and perhaps the most smartest girl in school.

A year later, she a new guy transferred to the school and it turns out that the new guy was the guy she had crushed on. Little did she know, her friend (the head girl) also had a crush on that guy. She never talk to that guy, let alone stare at him in the eye. perhaps she could blame her huge shyness problem to that. However, a few weeks later, the guy miraculously also had a crush on the girl (the head girl) and soon they become a couple. she was jealous of her for stealing her man's away but she could not say a thing since it was her best friend and she values her friendship more than anything. She tried almost everything to get that guy to noticed her but her hardwork was a complete failure. The worst part of the story was that she had to deliver her best friend (the head girl) love letter to the guy she fell in love with. Ironi isnt it?

The story goes on as she began to really fall in love with the guy quietly. i mean, who doesnt love a guy who is perfect and has everything? The guy is inhumanely beautiful and handsome, rich, smart, romantic and everything a women would dream of in a men. The guys fragrance could even be smelt a block a way and he would make every women turn to him. Lets just say that the guy was to-die-for guy.

4 years has passed and she was now madly in love with him. although she knows that the love wont bring her anyway but she still wants o try her luck. Unfortunately for her, her best friend is still with him and their love was stronger than ever.

Until, one day she graduated from middle school. That was the last day she met him. She move to an all-girls school somewhere far from the place and the whole clique was separated. Her best friend (the head girl) was also separated from the guy but the were still boyfriend and girlfriend. whenever there was a school break the clique would meet up to catch up on the news. Her frustation mounted up evertime she knew that the guy was still with her best friend.

In the end, she gave up her hopes on the guy. There would be no way she could ever be with that guy as much as she was deeply, truly, madly, hysterically in live with him. To forget him was a tough job. It took her 4 years to completely forget him. The first few years, was really tough as her love for him was too strong. He kept appearing in her dreams and made it more difficult for her to forget him. Then, after that, she made vows to never be in love as it will only hurt her and made her suffer.

She lost touch with her friends. she became traumatised to fall in love. she never again trust a guy. ever again let a man into her life. Suddenly, out of nowhere her best friend called her. Her beset friend( the head girl) told her that they have broke up and sher best friend said that she knew all along that she loves her and now that they have broke up she can have him.

what will u react if u were in such situation after all that has been happening, all that suffer u've been through now her best friend can said that she can just have him? WTF?

this is the story that was told by my best friend. I pitied her a lot. becoz of man she is a failure in love. i'm not being a sexist here but its the truth. dont u think??

Deep pain

2010-12-20T09:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I find it painful to see that my picture is nowhere to be found in other ppl's pages. It feels like i'm invisible and doesnt belong in this world. Although crying was not the answer but i could not help myself to cry my lungs out. I hate the fact that i am invisible to the others. I mean of course there was a bit of jealousy here but im talking about hard facts now. U cannot trust anyone in this world. there are times when u felt like u should gie way in trusting ppl but dont do the same mistakes i did. It was horrible. never give way in trusting ppl. u r wasting ur time and energy.

Long gone finally found..

2010-12-13T06:26:00.000-08:00

Good news people! Alya is back! weeeee...... after missing for 7 months.. i think.. i am finally back in front of the computer. This blog has not been active for a freakin long time. i saddens me sometimes. but, worry no more i am finally back! school's out and i am no longer held hostage in that prison-like school. as much as i hate to say this but i kinda missed the school. i miss my friends and all the memories that i used to have in the school. I have tonnes of things to share after so long i didnt write in my memoir. so, dont worry.. i'll be back before u even know it.. ok, i'm crapping. this doesnt sound like me at all.

ok.. before i proceed, i think in this post i would like to recap about my life as a seserian in the past 2 years.

2 years has passed. and a lot of things could happen in 2 years in the blink of an eye. 2 years has passed and i'm already 17. can u believe it? well, i certainly cant. 17 seems like a big number to me. when i was little i used to think of ppl aged 17 is old. n guess what? i am now officially 17. and i'm old. old and cranky.. hahaha... wit.. i've gone out of topic.. lets get back to life at seseri..
In seseri i've made lots of friend, lost some of them, gain back some of them and lost contact with some of them. the most saddest part is that i've lost my bestest friend of all in seseri and i didnt talk to her for almost a year.. almost.. but i did get back to her a few weeks before SPM. well, i cried in front of the PC after remembering all those bad things that i've done.

The first year i'm in seseri. my life was turned upside down. i hated that place soo damn fucking much. i regret every decision that i make. i was confused and alone in my darkest hour. I was diagnosed with a disease that i thought would never occur to me. I cried almost every night. i even thought of committing suicide.. (i know this might sound scary.. but thank god i didnt do it)
That year was the darkest year of my life. if u dont believe me, u can read my past post.

The second year in the school, things started to change gradually. everything started to get back to its original place. I dont cry everynight anymore. only occasionally. I smile a lot more than i used to. i make friends with one of the most craziest person in the school. lets just say that my life got better that year. In romans ancient history, i would refer this year as The Reformation Year.

But somehow, between these 2 years. i realize that there were some similarities between them. that is i can never make even a single friend which would stay with me till the end. everytime i tried to trust someone. they would end up neglecting my trust and they backstab me. I have a feeling that this is the karma god send to me after i hurt my bestest friend feelings. sometimes i feel like i deserved it. but at times, i feel like a total shit because ppl can just step at u anytime they want.

Well, 2 years has passed and i've learnt my lesson. i am now out of school. im gonna learnt how to survive in this most complicated world. i am now a grown up adult. i should be more mature in making decisions and never make a fool out of myself again. I think thats it for now. gtg. will be back tomorrow, perhaps? Sayonara...

Bling bling....

2010-05-28T07:18:00.000-07:00

Long overdue...

Today, i decided to blog in rojak language... hehehe... Just to try something new..

Okay, setelah lame giler tak balik rumah, rase macam rindu giler tengok TV, online, tido... Baru jumaat lepas exam dah habis. So far, everything's okay kecuali paper chemist ngan sejarah.. ntahlah, kali exam rase laen giler. rasa tenang je nak jawab exam. walaupun tak sempat habis bace sume tapi rase relax je.. tak gabra pun.. yep.. i know.. pelik.. nak kate tere xde lah tapi ntahlah.. aq berharap exam kali nie lebih baik daripada diagnostik. sbb diagnostik ari tu result aq mmg teruk... aq memang x expect sume A+ tapi aku nak biar result tu elok skit daripada arituh..

Stress + mengantuk

oh yeah, lupe nak bagitau, sambutan har guri aritu memang gempak giler lah. aq rase cam takkan ada sekolah yang akan celebrate teacher's day sampai camtu. Tema kiteorang Hollywood Glamour. Aq jadi tukang hias dewan. memang gempak giler.. ada runway, redcarpet, bodyguard, paparazzi, wartawan.. in other words rase memang cam kat hollywood punye red carpet lah.. best sangat.. siap ngan spot light lahh... macam macam lagi.. Pictures will be posted in another post sebab camera x jumpe cable.. hehehe... tapi adalah skit gambar curi kat facebook...

Bodyguards of SESERI

Buku for teacher's to sign

I made this papan.. bangga giler okay..

Pinch me!

2010-03-17T06:46:00.000-07:00

Long overdue...

Exams coming in 5 more days..

Addicted to Persona 4...

Missed "ekspo pendidikan" at mid valley..

Fell in love with Redang Island...

Desperately wants her own car to drive around..

I promise myself i will try my best to get 9A+ for SPM...

Fullfilling it will be my toughest aim in life...

Life's brief candle

2010-02-18T02:01:00.000-08:00

I've been saying the same thing for like a gazillion times... I shouldnt log in to my social network sites.. am i just playing stupid or ridiculous.. It hurts me like hell but i am still addicted to it.. I was looking at some of the pictures that my old school friends took during their merentas desa.. it hurts like hell to see that ur picture is not in there where it was suppose to be.. a few years back i am one of those people in the picture but now all i can do is staring at those pictures wondering what did i do wrong to deserve such punishments. crying would be the best thing to do but somehow i am out of tears and all the anger starts to mount inside of me.. where are all those friends that i used to laugh with?? where goes all the tears of joy that we use to share together?? where is all my friends?? I find myself fading from the circle of friends that i used to have at me old school.. they treat me as if i never exist.. but all the while i've been waiting for them to talk to me.. what's wrong with this world?? Is this another obstacle that i have to face so that i can have my happy ending?? Isnt it enough that last year was the worst year in my life, now i have to face another year of it??

prefix..

2010-01-31T00:15:00.000-08:00

I'm finally back home and i cant stop myself from sleeping almost all the time. it feels like im trying to replace all the tiring time that i had at the school. and i still have piles of homework to be done. My life has been sucks as always. My relationship is suckier. Can i please stop myself from being ego?? So far, trying to accept my new life is hard and im still trying to balance evrything up. I tried to keep up with old friends but somehow my instinct told me that they have forgotten me and im wasting my time trying contact them. I tried to be close again with illy just like how we use to be in form 2 and early this year but i dont know why, i feel like shes trying to avoid me and trying to stay away from me. maybe i am the only thing that reminds her of sri aman and thats why she doesnt want to stay close because shes afraid that she might miss sri aman because i remind her of it... well i hope that's not her reason because i really want to be close to her again since she is the only one who knew me very well. My new friends, Aimy, Faz, Iya and Che are cool people actually. they make me laugh almost all the time and makes me forget my problems. Laugh is the best medicine life could offer and they can cure even the deepest cut.

Next week is form 4 orientation week and as a PRS we are suppose to take charge of their orientation. Im excited and sad all at the same time. excited because i get to see some new faces at the school. sad because the toilet at my dormitories will be full. Imagine 60 people using only 8 bathroom and 7 toilets at one time. woah, it means i need to get up early before the toilet is running out of water. Oh yeah, 1 more news. i was a member of the schools english department. our job is to teach other students proper english so that they could excel in their exams. it is technically my fault because i was the one who wants to be in the department and now i wish i wasnt in any of it. im not good at teaching and my english is not that good either. i can talk in english but im not so sure how to teach english. My first class started several weeks ago and i was teamed up with one of my schoolmate. It was hell at that time. i was shaking nervously and sweating all over in front of the class. i think they might be laughing at me behind my back. talk about total embarassment. i cant even speak properly and my language was "berterabur". we are suppose to talk in full english but i was "rojaking" all the time. SORRY 5C.... i promise it will never happen again (i hope) and i'll try to fix my stage fright.

*oh god, im going back to school tomorrow and i still havent finish my hw... AAAHHHH!!! gtg bye...

Long live King Pluto??

2010-01-26T00:54:00.000-08:00

Exams finally over and my whole body is aching from all those activities that we're suppose to do. i am currently at my school lab com. tired, restless, sleepless.. jeeezz can my life gets any harder?? just when i was about to accept my fate there will always be something stopping me from doing that. i can barely able to breath around here. things will never be the same and it will never going to be the same.. *SCREAM* i'll be going home this weekend and that is the only thing i'm looking forward to. take me out of this f*cking place!!!!

HELP!!

2010-01-16T21:29:00.000-08:00

Intervension test is coming tomorrow. and im not prepared for it at all... HELP!!!!

Dejavu..

2010-01-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

Its been 5 days since i left my house and now i'm back at home. Reason: i sprained my neck when im in the toilet. yeay me!! and now i end up with a swollen neck with me. After living my life at the school, i finally realize that i should start to accept my fate. yeah, i should realize that sooner but i guess my wake up call comes late. so far, i've been tryin to clear up my head from anything negative and start to live my life with positive things. its a good start and i cant wait to go ahead with this year. hmm.. i know.. i know.. it doesnt sound like me right?? well, u better start to get used to it cause this is definitely a new me. i might now update this blog often like i used to due to my upcoming SPM this year.. :O im coming back to school today and i hope my neck will get better. wish me luck!!

take me awayyy...

2010-01-02T01:53:00.000-08:00

Kill me now before i die under weird circumstances... I dont wanna go back.. Please god.. fast forward the time until 2012.. i cant stand another year at that place.. let alone thinking that im gonna live in that place. Please take me away...or hit me with a truck.or fly me off a building... make me sick... anything..just do anything so that i dont have to go there anymore.. im sick of that place... for god's sake i've been having a lot of nightmare... isn't it bad enough?? what else do i have to proof that i dont belong there?? tell me... Is this some kind of a test to proof how bad my decision to go there is?? tell me.. dont i deserve a second chance??

2010-01-01T22:42:00.000-08:00

MORE DAY

till my suffering days begin...

Melody and symphony

2009-12-31T05:55:00.000-08:00

I watched HSM 3 for the 5th time today.. and somehow this songs kinda distract me cause some part of the lyrics seems to realate to my life.. well, some part of it. I believe that every music has a life and the life is in the lyrics and the upbeat of the melody both creating a perfect harmony. that is why without music there will be no life and for me.. i can never live without music.. they are the one who keeps my heart beating everytime they are about to die.. So try to hear the lyrics.. enjoy!!

HSM 3- Scream by zac efron a.k.a troy bolton
The day a door is closed
The echoes fill your soul
They won't say which way to go
Just trust your heart
To find you're here for
Open another door
But i'm not sure anymore
It's just so hard

Voices in my head
Tell me they know best
Got me on the edge
they're pushin', pushin',they're pushin'
I know they've got a plan
But the balls in my hands
This time its man-to-man,
I'm driving, fighting inside
A world that's upside down
Spinning faster
What do I do now?

Without you
I don't know, where to go, what's the right team?
I want my own thing.
So bad I'm gonna Scream!
I can't choose, so confused!
What's it all mean?
I want my own dream.
So bad I'm gonna Scream!

I'm kickin' down the walls
I gotta make 'em fall
Just break through them all
I'm punchin', crashin', I'm gonna
Fight to find myself
Me and no one else
Which way? I can't tell,I'm searchin', searchin', can't find the
Road that I should take
I should! turn right or left is
It's like nothing works without you

I don't know, where to go, what's the right team?
I want my own thing. So bad I'm gonna Scream!
I can't choose, so confused!
What's it all mean?I want my own dream.
So bad I'm gonna Scream!

Yeah, the clock's running down,
hear the crowd gettin' loud!
I'm consumed by the sound!
Is it her?
Is it love?Can the music ever be enough?
Gotta work it out, gotta work it out!
You can do it, you can do it!

I don't know, where to go, what's the right team?
I want my own thing. So bad I'm gonna Scream!
I can't choose, so confused! What's it all mean?
I want my own dream. So bad I'm gonna Scream!
I don't know, where to go, what's the right team?
I want my own thing. I want my own thing!
I can't choose, so confused! What's it all mean?
I want my own dream.
So bad I'm gonna Scream!

Ohh! Ahh!!!!

waiting and waiting..

2009-12-31T05:28:00.000-08:00

It's new year's eve and i'm at my house staring at my laptop wondering what will happen to me this monday while still trying to figure out what am i going to write on my 1500 words essay which i'm suppose to pass up this monday. Luckily i manage to write the title out for now and that's it :( To ease up myself, i've been watching some movie trailer at youtube but my computer is getting slower and they always get stuck. jeez... i hate my life... i'm still depressed... maybe because i've been listening to slow song a lot lately to match my mood. That's what i'll usually do when i'm depressed. my Mp3 is like my mood and i love them. they play emo songs when i'm emo and i'll end up crying which will cause me to let everything out which is a good thing. I HEART MY MP3 :)

Okay enough about me.. lets see.. its almost 2 hours++ till 2010. its a decade since milennium.. woah!! time runs fast.. and this year my new year's resolution would be nothing... yup u read it right... nothing...NOTHING... NADA... Zero.. I dont know what's wrong with me.. i feel like giving up with my life almost all the time. I have absolutely no big target for my SPM next year. i'll just leave it all to god. for He knows how much i suffer and how hard i've worked.. I know.. i'm not suppose to be sad on new year's eve.. but how can i not be sad if im going back to my nightmare in less than a week?? im scared.. for the first time in my life.. im scared to face the future.. it feels like the future is trying to eat me and my life... literally.. but yeah.. that's what i feel right now... help me!!! homeworks still unfinished...Life is a monster... GAAAAHHHH!!!! >:(

Countdown of a life time..

2009-12-31T01:26:00.000-08:00

MORE DAYS

Till i wake up from my reality and realize i'm about to face my biggest nightmare...

Alya's Declassified life survival guide 2#

2009-12-29T02:21:00.000-08:00

Friends....

They can backstab u

They can ignore u

They can be ur bestest friend

They can be ur shoulder to cry on

And they can be the most important person in ur life

it will be ur biggest mistakes if u lose them

And u will start to regret the decision throughout ur whole life

To repel yourself from doing all those things

Keep ur life simple

by planning it right

and keep the friend that u trust most

but if one day they start to break ur trust

be strong and keep moving on

life is not just for u and ur friend

they belong to u to decide what's best

and that's how i learn about how cruel this life can be......

Curiousity can kills....

2009-12-22T01:05:00.000-08:00

What sins have i commited for me to deserve such treat?? am i really that evil?? am i really that mean?? Oh god, please help me for i cant handle this kind of things anymore... im losing everything and everyone... why cant i have someone in my life that i can share everything with?? will i end up being lonely throughout my whole life?? what did i do?? WHAT DID I DO?? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT DID I DO?? i knew that visiting my social network websites would hurt me but i didnt expect it to reach this level of insanity... this is too much... can u ever imagine how much it hurts to see a close friend of u were stolen by another friend who r not that close to her and they end up having sleepovers and outing and stuff and u are at ur house looking at the pictures that they took when they are spending one hell of a good time together?? can u imagine how much it hurts?? okay, i have to admit i'm a jealous person. wait, correction: i'm a very very jealous person. but as a friend u should know how would i react right?? Okay, it is partially my mistakes too because i didnt talk to my close friend ( the one that i mentioned above) for almost 2 months now because we are having a fight. but, how was i going to make it up if i realize that she doesnt need me anymore and she could have more fun with other ppl?? i dont want to ruin her fun moment because i care for her and shes my friend. but 1 important question arises: Are we still friends?? God, this is all confusing.. i know we're having a fight.. and i'm sorry.. truly sorry but i cant imagine myself being that close to her anymore now that the circle of trust is gone. jeez.. im jealous of a person whom i used to be close with and i kinda dont want her in my life anymore. what kind of an idiot am i??

hmm... come to think of it. i kinda miss her though. we used to talk over the phone bout some silly stuff for more than an hour and laugh histerically.. and then my father would be mad at me because the bill is incresing. and then we used to go for recess at the PRS room at my old school and do homework and talk about our problems.. yeah, those were the good times. cant believe its all happening too fast and now i barely even talk to her. what happen to those moments?? was i dreaming?? and is this reality or just another nightmare?? now that i lost her, i dont have any other friends with me.. is this what ppl called KARMA?? is this what i deserve after treating her that way?? I dont think she'll be reading my blog so, this is what i've been dying trying to tell her eversince we stopped talking:

To my once best friend(u know who u are),

I AM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING

I know u might hate me by now or dont really give a damn about me but i just want you to know that ur the bestest friend a person could have. and i know i was wrong. and i wish i could turn back time and undo everything that i did and just go back to the time that we both have fun. i am sorry again coz i wish we could be as close as we used to be but i cant... i cant trust u anymore and i think we can only be friends and not the old best friend we used to be. im sorry.. im sorry.. im sorry.. its nothing personal.. im sorry for accusing u, blaming u, cursing u for things that might be my fault. and i'm sorry that i never listen to ur problems although ur sick of listening to mine. From the deep of my heart i am truly sorry.... :)

an intro..

2009-12-15T05:47:00.000-08:00

okay, i finally decide to do something fun in exchange for this blog... rather than whining about my life.. i think i should write something beneficial instead. so, Alya's Declassified Life Survival guide is what i came out with. the content is original written by the one and only me.. and if there is any adaptation i'll mention it. as u can see i have started the first post below this post. this guide is mainly about what i've learn in my 16 years of life. it may not be entirely true but ngehhh what the heck... read it if u want to..

Alya's declassified life survival guide 1#

2009-12-10T23:54:00.000-08:00

Things that i learned when i finally reached 16:

Friends are just the accessories of life. they can sometimes make u look bad or otherwise.
Trust no one, but believe in yourself because he/she is the only one u can trust.
Cry ur lungs out when ur sad or when u r depressed. letting go is the only medicines to it.
There is no such thing as sweet 16. the one n only best flavour is natural.
Family comes first before anything eventhough they r annoying.
Memories r the spices of life. They can be spicy, poisonous and helpful at the same time. so keep it n never ever throw them away.
Journey to self discoveries will never end as long as u are alive.
Keep ur life as simple as u can because simple equals to easier life.

Spring time

2009-12-10T23:39:00.000-08:00

I think i'm gonna start staying away from my social networking sites because i'll end up crying in front of the PC while listening to some sad emo songs everytime i opened them. the reason: i missed a lot of things n i dont know anyone anymore... it feels like i'm watching other ppl living their life n enjoying it while i'm having a hard time with mine.. social networking sites SUCKS!! i should have never sign up to any of it.. it makes ppl become more miserable.. especially if that ppl is trying to live a new life n start a new one. i always find myself floating away with only memories to get hold of me... GAHHHHH!! why does life gets to be sooo hard?? but again, i promise myself that i will keep living the most simplest life anyone could ever have n enjoy it while it last.. even if ppl stab u from ur back or keep u away from things, i will always enjoy my life as the way it is because life doesnt last forever.. n i've learn from my mistakes.. so, cheers to the new me: the strong and brave one.. i'll try my best to keep my promise..

Hot guys alert!!!

2009-12-05T06:49:00.000-08:00

Okay, i decided to do something different for my post today.. its my top 5+1 hottest guy in the world (From my point of view) so here it is, check it out (and please do not get offended by my choice if u r one of the fan of these guys):

1st place: Edward Cullen a.k.a my husband (NOT ROBERT PATTINSON)

2nd place: Skandar Keynes

3rd place: Chace Crawford

4th place: James Marsden

5th place: David Archuleta

6th place: Taylor Lautner

Sue me...

2009-12-04T06:09:00.000-08:00

I dont get what is wrong with the world today.. Isnt it enough that they have ruin ppl's live, they have to ruin theirs too?? WTF is wrong with them?? okay, i get it.. who am i to judge.. but seriously dont they get it?? dont they get what i'm trying to say?? (to tell u the truth, i dont understand myself either but what the heck, rite??)

Okay i should stop crapping..

Seriously stop crapping..

Gah.. i'm bored

:P

P/s: i've wasted 5 minutes of my life writing this piece of shit..

Equation??

2009-12-02T06:31:00.000-08:00

I finally found an equation that summarise my obsession.

Addiction + Seduction + Obsession= The Twilight Saga

Although the movie is seriously disappointing.. i can't help myself obsessing over how gorgeous Edward Cullen is.

P/s: EDWARD CULLEN and ROBERT PATTINSON are TWO VERY DIFFERENT PERSON!! and im in love with EDWARD CULLEN and NOT repeat NOT ROBERT PATTINSON

Picture perfect..

2009-12-02T06:25:00.000-08:00

Do not ask me why i put this picture.. I'm still figuring out the reason for it. i found this pic several days ago when i was doing this survey on facebook and instantly fell in love it. i dont know why.. this picture is simple yet sophisticated.. i think they do have sentimental value in it. but like i said i'm still figuring out the reason why i fell in love with this picture.. hmmm -.-

Addictive..

2009-12-02T06:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, i know its been a long time since i post up lyrics around here, so to fulfill these wishes i finally found a song that i am currently addicted to. again i have to inform everyone that i'm pretty slow on catching up with music revolution. so, most of the song lyrics that i post and i listened to is overdue... O.o yup, i've said it. i'm not good with catcing up to stuff. yeah and by the way i dedicate this song to my friend, Aimy Zafirah who is madly in love with Kris Allen and this song. (aimy, i know i promise u a framed picture of kris Allen for ur birthday and im sorry i still didn't give it to u :P)

No Boundaries- Kris Allen
Seconds, hours, so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever
If you feel you've lost your way

What if your chances are already gone
Started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
To fight and never walk away
Cause here I am still holding on

Every step you climb another mountain
Every breath it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain
Whether the hurricanes
To get to that one thing
So you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you've almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand
And show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries

I fought to the end to stand on the edge
What if today is as good it gets
Don't know where the future's headed
Nothing's gonna bring me down
I've jumped every bridge and
I've run every line
I've risked being saved but I always knew why
I always knew why
So here I am still holding on

Every step you climb another mountain
Every breath it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain
Whether the hurricanes
To get to that one thing
So you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you've almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand
And show you that you can

You can go higher, you can go deeper
There are no boundaries above and beneath you
Break every rule cause there's nothing between you and your dreams
Every step you climb another mountain
Every breath it's harder to believe

Yeah, there are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
With every step you climb another mountain
Every breath it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain
Whether the hurricanes
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries

Out and About..

2009-11-30T05:35:00.000-08:00

I went out with a friend of mine, hazirah today.. and I finally managed to get my eyes on the new moon movie.. it was... disappoonting.. its not what i was expecting.. Here are some weakness in this movie that i find disappointing:

The story line seems to be in a rush and too fast forward
There was some scene which seems unlogical
The ending is rather disappointing
Of course, the book is better than the movie but they should try to improvise it to make it better
THERE ARE NO SAD PART!! ( i was expecting to cry throughout the movie.. but i didnt.. bummer -.-)

Geesh.. why am i waiting for something which is disappointing.. i should see it coming.. i swear that movie ticket of mine is wasted. anyway, outing together with hazirah was awesome.. except for the part where i catch a flu and end up sneezing and blow up my nose every 5 minutes..and i forgot to bring my money... i even had to borrow money from hazirah for my ride home (Hazirah, if u r reading this.. i swear i'll pay up ur money A.S.A.P) can the day get any better??

Anyway, that's it for now.. gtg.. i'll try my best to update this blog as often as i could..

New moon...

2009-11-24T21:07:00.000-08:00

New moon's coming out tomorrow and i'm not there to watch it... Geeessshhh... Sue me!! i've been waiting my whole life for the movie- okay, i lied maybe not my whole life but i've been waiting for a long time.. Damn it... i feel like running away to the cinema tomorrow.. and if only i could drive.. anyway... to fill up my sadness, i draw this sketch of EDWARD CULLEN a.k.a my future husband.. i admit its not that pretty but for the sake of showing off( shit, did i just say that??) i post it up.. hope u guys like it...

P/s: i finally got my hand on THE TWILIGHT SAGA JOURNAL.. yeay.. im soooo happy for it..

Weekly review...

2009-11-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

Exams over and i've been busy with lots of stuff. lets review some of the stuff that i've been doing so far..

>went for this antidadah ceramah thingy at Masjid Sentul. Super Boring... and the penceramah definitely have some issue '-_- Emotions involve: tired, bored to death

> i went to Sekolah Sultan Alam Shah better known as SAS to do this banner thingy for hari kerjaya peringkat kebangsaan and won fifth place among all SBP. Emotions involve: Happy, tired, in love (do not ask me with who). it was a 3 days 2 nights trip. went to sleep at SMAP Kajang. manage to visit SSP for a while and meet Sarah Nabila. cant find Ameera Moore because we are out of time.

>Exams result are out. 1 subject failed= PHYSIC. others literally passed. i seriously mean passed and not straight A's. get my point? in other words my result sucks like fucking shiiit... and i've never felt anymore stupid than i am rite now. Emotions involve: Sad, Depressed

>Jamuan kelas. we had dominos pizza and KFC. insufficient food. I think Aimy is still craving over those food coz she wants more but there is not enough. Emotions Involve: Happy, excited

> Jamuan PRS AND PPS. Foods good. better yet awesome.. i regret my decision on wearing the baju kurung/dress that i was wearing that night. Emotions involve: Full, happy

other than all of the above, we basically did nothing. our usual routine in class after exam is play some stupid games, chit chat, sleep, laugh our lungs out, mencontenging whiteboard, went to sleep again, drooling, dreaming, gossiping, and went to sleep again.i still dont know if we can manage another week doing the same thing everyday.. *sigh*

GTG now.. its way past my bedtime... TTFN..

Dilemma..

2009-10-17T02:15:00.000-07:00

i know everyone has their own dilemma and mine does not get any different from them. So, i am here to talk about my serious dilemma that has been a big trouble to me. truthfully i cant talk to guys. yup, i've said it world... i cant talk to guys. excluding my father, my brother and any guys younger that me. i know it sounds weird coming from a 16 year old girl but that is the fact that i have to face. i'm not trying to sound desperate here but this thing has been bugging me a lot. its hard for me to communicate with people. (and of course that might be the reason why i dont have a special person *i'm not desperate*) and to make things more complicated, i'm studying in and ALL GIRLS SCHOOL. which means no direct contact with guys but i still have a chance to socialize with people. and also, as everyone know i've been transfer to an ALL GIRLS BOARDING SCHOOL which is making thing way more complicated than it already has. but this time more complicated because i dont get to socialize around that often anymore. hmm... i know to some people my dilemma is not that serious. but i think it is very serious because i cant even talk to my guy cousin. i know again.. weird '-.- well what can i say, i was born that way. i tried to change but still nothing works. i'm scared that when i grow up, i might have trouble communicating which will cause a bigger trouble if i'm planning on having a career involving me to communicate with GUYS. So basically that is the dilemma that has been bugging me. So if anyone has any tips on how to deal with my dilemma. please do help me..

P/s: I am NOT desperate or sexcist.

a piece of my mind..

2009-10-17T01:54:00.000-07:00

This blog has not been getting any update lately. and what is the reason behind this?? the reason is that i've been busy lately and everytime i try to update my blog, i'm stuck doing something else. So the conclusion is: SAYA MALAS NAK UPDATE BLOG INI. Sounds cheesy eh? okay so lets get down to business. i've been listening to this song lately and i think its related to my life. gosh, i never realize that some BANDS can produce good music. i'm not trying to be hypocrite here but usually some famous BANDS write trashy songs. (i hope no one gets offended with me). so here it is, Perfect by simple plan.

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think
I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend thatI
'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go backI'm sorry I can't be perfect

try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go backI'm sorry
I can't be perfect

What is friendship??

2009-09-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

FRIENDSHIP is a GOLDEN gift cherished above all life's treasures..

Illegal writing??

2009-08-30T19:36:00.000-07:00

Okaay, i know... what the hell am i doing posting HSM lyrics up here? but seriously the lyrics are meaningful. i like songs that inspire me and seriously these songs really do the trick. listen to it carefully or better yet read the lyrics. (Im not a big fan of him and i'm not posting it because i'm a huge fan of him. its just so happen the songs are in my mp3 and i like the lyrics)

Bet on it- High School Musical 2 (Zac Efron a.k.a Troy)

Everybody's always talkin' at me
Everybody's tryin' to get in my head
I wanna listen to my own heart talkin'
I need to count on myself instead

Did you ever
Lose yourself to get what you want
Did you ever
Get on a ride and wanna get off
Did you ever
Push away the ones you should've held close
Did you ever let go
Did you ever not know

I'm not gonna stop
That's who I am
I'll give it all I got
That is my plan
Will I find what I lost
You know you can
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it
(Bet on me)

I wanna make it right
That is the way
To turn my life around
Today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it

How will I know if there's a path worth takin'
Should I question every move I make
With all I've lost, my heart is breakin'
I don't wanna make the same mistakes

Did you ever
Doubt your dream will ever come true
Did you ever
Blame the world but never blame you
I will never
Try to live a lie again
I don't wanna win this game if I can't play it my way

I'm not gonna stop
That's who I am (Who I am)
I'll give it all I got
That is my plan (That's my plan)
Will I find what I lost
You know you can (You know you can)
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it (Bet on me)

I wanna make it right
That is the way
To turn my life around
Today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it

Oh, hold up
Give me room to think
Bring it on down
Gotta work on my swing
Gotta do my own thing

Hold up
It's no good at all
To see yourself and not recognize your face
Out on my own
It's such a scary place ooh
The answers are all inside of me
All I gotta do
Is believe

I'm not gonna stop
Not gonna stop till I get my shot
That's who I am
That is my plan
Will I end up on top again
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, you can
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it
(Bet On Me)

I wanna make it right
That is the way
To turn my life around
Today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it

You can bet on me

time after time...

2009-08-30T19:09:00.000-07:00

We used to hear these songs before but we never really listen to the lyrics. After i've been listening to my mp3 last night i finally realize that this songs that we used to listen is indeed very meaningful. So, here it is.. Somewhere i belong from linkin park.

Somewhere i belong- Linkin park

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind

(Inside of me)
But all that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain
I've felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind

(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
Cause I can't justify way everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain
I've felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed

I will never be
Anything till I break away from me
I will break away
I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the painI've felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I am somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I am somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

p/s: i know some people might think that i am sooo old fashion because i listen to super old songs that almost nobody listen to but for me this songs are more meaningful than the songs that we have today.

*Note:i'll be posting more songs if i had a chance to do so. soo, watch out for it :)

why?? why me??

2009-08-30T03:22:00.000-07:00

Out of millions of people in this world... why me?? i guess i cant blame fate for that nor can i blame my destiny. i believe that it is just a way of life (which i somehow hate soooo freakin damn much) Gaaaaah... can life gets anymore harder?? alright, that's it. change topic..

Holiday was fun and i wish it could last longer. i was told that one of my friend will be leaving seseri to join sri aman back. my heart shreded into pieces. sometimes im still wondering why am i the only one that can still live there as much as i hate it. i hate the place a lot more than anyone else does. but u wont realize it because u r not in my place. try living in my shoes for a day. trust me... u cant stand it even for a minute. and that's what everybody keep on saying. they always say that their life is harder but their assumption is wrong. 100% percent confirm to be wrong. stop it okay?? ur life is only 0.00001% harder than anyone else. My advice?? well, basically i've got nothing. what im trying to say here is dont ever say that u r having more difficult time adjusting coz that's just bullshit. and i really mean it. it is really pissing me off. and i am not a really patient person.

maaan... i should stop talking about emo stuff. but really i just cant help it. i am really tired of the same routine. like i said... i am not myself anymore eversince i transfer school. i became someone who is not patient and always mad at something. i hate myself for being that way. so please to those who was offended by what i'm trying to say.. i'm truly deeply sorry... i am just expressing myself. i mean no harm to anybody.

Sounds familiar??

2009-08-30T03:14:00.000-07:00

There are about three things i am absolutely positive about:

First,

i am not myself anymore

Second,

There was a part of me hating myself for losing myself

Third,

I am unconditionally irrevocably full of hatred towards myself

prejudice is ignorance...

2009-08-09T00:15:00.000-07:00

i miss you guyz :(

Them, i love <3

Life is getting more complicated as day come by. i am not the same girl i used to be anymore. who am i?? i miss my old memories, i miss the old me. The old carefree, happy and full of joy me. but look at who i am now. i've grown up into a person that i barely even knew. Prejudice is ignorance... i found this quote when i was watching MJ's music video. it kinda touches my heart when i realize that this words are true. maybe prejudice is ignorance. i've been a very prejudice person and i didnt realize that. i truly admire MJ despite the fact that i'm not actually a big fan of him. if you listen to his song, it truly means something. every words has its own meaning and all we need to do is just listen... and you'll find the truth in every word....

Life is a stage, and we are the actors and the actresses...

2009-08-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

Yeah... if you are wondering why am i blogging in the middle of the night, it is because im bored. i finally got MC for 2 days due to my painful chest. i dont know what's wrong with me. it hurts like hell but the doctor said it was nothing. last week, i got MC because of my headache and again the doctor said it was nothing. I still think that i have some unknown disease but everyone said that it was probably because i'm all stressed up. but i didnt. im not stressed. i've been controlling my emotion and it finally work. So i'm not stressed up anymore. Geesh.. almost everyone envied me but truthfully its not that fun anyways especially if you have to troubled your parents to pick you up at school and send you to the doctors at night where almost all the clinics are about to close. So yeah.. you get the whole point.

this is some of the latest news that i would like to share:

Remember the drama thing?? okay.. maybe i forgot to tak about it. yeah.. my class a.k.a Cattlelax clan are supposed to do a play on titik-titik perjuangan for Bahasa Melayu komsas. we manage to nail it and won 2nd prize for it. it was soooo fun. i finally see my classmates in a whole different view. they are actually nice and funny people. i dindnt expect them to be that way because i use to think that they are always quiet, always with the book and anti social. but i was wrong. you guys ROCK!!! and yeah i was acting as the drunk guy. and i was shaking like hell until i forgot to say my lines outloud. But it was still fun. (the 'rape' part and the 'pancung' part still brings me the hibbies-jibbies :P)
Syafawati a.k.a wat is a very funny person and she kinda looked like walaa' (no offense to walaa' if shes reading this). and she finally join me in our little i'm-so-obessed-over-edward-cullen-coz-he's-so-hot club. she even cried just like i do when i was reading the twilight saga book. Yeah, did i mention i'm a huge twilight saga fan? I LOVE YOU EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!!!
About 1/3 of the school population is sick. so the school was selling the H1N1 mask and we are suppose to wear. Izzah is sick too and she got MC for 3 days. i'm so jealous of her. and the school still refuse to close because there is no confirm cases of H1N1 yet. *sigh*

Basically that's it. i guess. i'll tell more stuff if i can still remember what happen. GTG. bye...

P/s: i miss my pillow and my bed :)

Memory...

2009-07-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

i wish for an everlasting summer day.

though everything in the world i shall trade it for.

for i am just a human .

longing for some sense of belonging;

but never the desire that i was hoping for.

EMO DAY...

2009-07-11T19:26:00.000-07:00

I know i've been posting emo stuff lately. but i just can't help it. my life is making me emo. yup, emo emo emo. GAAAAHHH!!! Okay, so here's the summary of what happened to me this past few days that effect my emotion.

A close friend of mine, Hazirah moved school due to some reason. i cried. a lot. she didn't manage to finish Breaking Dawn which im suppose to give it to her. and my ego doesnt help me either.*sigh*
I found out that i was chosen as a PRS. It kinda suprised me because i didnt expect to be involve in this PRS thing again. and how am i going to find a baju rasmi (for installation) that actually fit me at a very short notice??*sigh*
I can't find anyone who is willing to sponsor our school magazine. I wish i can take back my words about being in schools Ed Board. It sucks. Too much things to do and how am i suppose to find sponsors if i cant go out?? being in boarding school does not bring any benefit if you're job is to find people.*more sigh*
Any idea what Thalassemia is?? im suppose to find some article bout it. i try to search the internet but i dont understand what are they talking about. Some things about genetic things that confused me. and BM oral is coming tomorrow. i didnt prepare a thing. HELP!!! *more and more sigh*
I need to start decorate the class A.S.A.P and buy some tstuff to keep the class clean now that i am the AJK kebersihan. what do they expect?? spotless floor, window and always empty rubbish can. that is impossible. can you believe it?? we cant even have a single dust on the floor and window and a single rubbish in the trash can all day long. If not DEMERIT. GAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! *scream*

i guess things will never turn out to be okay as long as im still living in my nightmare. i hope i can survive in this maze. it gets harder and harder everyday. im going back to my nightmare today. Still hoping that i can go home and never return to the place ever again. But life is not a bout living happily ever after. Do they??

p/s: URGENT!!! To anyone who wants to promote their company or sponsor or advertise in our magazine please informed me A.S.A.P i have the price and the paperworks. Its very reasonable. and please oh please informed me. your kindness is highly appreciated.

SHOULD I BELIEVE THAT I CAN FLY??

2009-07-10T19:46:00.000-07:00

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms
If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

I believe I can fly
I believe
I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life
I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me, oh
If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

Hey, cuz I believe in me, oh
If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothign to it

I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

I believe I can fly

Hey, if I just spread my wings
I can fly
I can fly
I can fly, hey
If I just spread my wings
I can fly
Fly-eye-eye

PANORAMIC VIEW...

2009-07-04T00:27:00.000-07:00

Damn.. why did i even bother to come to my very own nightmare. It feels like visiting hell. Okay fine... maybe i'm overdramatic but its true. you wont belive me until u experienced it by yourself. Its good to know that izzah is here. at least she did cheer me a little bit. the rest was..... hmmmm.... Okay i guess. Anyway, I miss Wono and her constant diet and borrowing people's money habit. (Wono, please dont get offended) I miss sri aman. Im not sure whether i can go to hari K or not but i'll try my best to beg my parents to send me there. Oh yeah, Izzah told me about SA drama thing which i missed and prs perlantikan. I wonder who was the president for 09/10. Good news, guess what?? I am now officially the editorial member of SESERI Ed board. I was assign in the publicity section which im still figuring out what im suppose to do. I dont know what my job is. Weird huh?? i think that's it for now. GTG.

p/s: Im joining netball team for SUKRUM. getting more tired everyday. *sigh*

MONOLOG ??

2009-06-11T21:54:00.001-07:00

p/s: I'm plain bored. School holidays does't bring the best out of me.

Spill...

2009-06-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

Okay.. I finally decide to blog. big deal. i'm new at this and currently need extra help to improve my blog. So, if anyone wants to help, please do so. I still dont know how this things works.

Damn it, School holiday is almost over. I dont like those words. It makes me shiver down to my spine. I seriously dont want to go back to my NIGHTMARE. yup, you heard it right my NIGHTMARE. I dont want to go back to school. Garh!!! I hate my life. Oh yeah, To those who dont know. I am currently studying it SMS Seri Puteri. I used to study at SMK (P) Sri Aman. I miss that school. I miss all my friends. and more importantly i my my old life. HELP!!! I am now officially an ex-sriamanian. Oh man, its too early. I want to be an ex-sriamanian when i graduate. I guess that's a false hope. can't do anything bout that. So yeah... I'll write again soon.

P/s: I feel like screaming to someone. yeah, i know. Weird.